Okay this starts back in 1990 for me. I was about nine years old living in Guntersville Alabama. Since I was legally obligated to watch every new cartoon (still am) I watched Toxic Crusaders. A short lived cartoon based on the movie I'm talking about tonight. Being nine I thought it was great. You had Toxie, A pilot with mutant sneezing powers, a mutated Junkyard Dog, a Army Plant guy and a two headed weirdo. They fought this four armed polluting alien, and Toxie had a blind girlfriend play their theme on an accordion. Then it quickly disappeared and went back to being the Mario Bros Super Show and Charles in Charge reruns.
This is all off of memory as beyond seeing the intro on Youtube I have not watched it in years.
So one Friday or Saturday night I'm flipping around the TV. Eventually I sit it back down and turn to USA Up All Night. This was a late night show hosted by Gilbert Gottfried and Rhonda Sheer. Pretty sure its Saturday since Gilbert Gottfried was hosting. So he says we are watching the Toxic Avenger. I'm wondering if its connected to Toxic Crusaders and once I see Melvin in the tutu I realize it is.
My first thought is naturally "They got the name wrong. It's Toxic Crusaders and where is No Zone?" Melvin falls in the Toxic waste and starts transforming. One of the earliest cases of TV warping me. Melvin catches fire and his skin is falling off and I'm scared plopless.
Well I revisited the movie on Netflix the other day. I have not watched the movie in over twenty years. I saw 3 the night my Grandmother died and associated them in my mind.
Okay the first thing about the movie is its everything to everybody. Its a horror, comedy and super hero movie all at once. I don't mean they merged flawlessly. It will have one scene that is flat out horror then be a scene from a super hero movie then something from a boner comedy. I found it admirable.
The scene when Melvin is tricked into wearing a tutu by a girl and then humiliated bothered me for years. I was only nine and seeing it again I can see why. Then he falls into the barrel of toxic waste and starts transforming. First catching fire then running home as his skin melts. This was legit creepy and I don't mean the watered down "Nerd says something mildly inappropriate." internet creepy. I mean legit "Holy Shit" creepy.
So he is a monster now. Killing any criminals he finds. Later explained as his Tromatons compelling him to destroy evil. His first good act was saving a good cop from a gangster named Cigar Face. He then saves folks from guys robbing a Taco Bell. He meets his blind bimbo girlfriend (The description used in Toxic Avenger 3 trailer.) Sarah. The robbers shoot her seeing eye dog. Its amusing seeing her in the first movie compared to the sequels. Here she looks almost dignified.
We get introduced to Mayor Belgoody. A big fat (yet surprisingly styling) slimeball. He is behind all the crime in Tromaville. He wants the Monster Hero dead. When Toxie kills a seemingly innocent old lady he calls the National Guard
.
Now the ending I remember vividly. The National Guard and Mayor have Toxie's tent in the woods surrounded. It comes out the old lady he killed was actually running a "White" slave ring. The National Guard backs off and the Mayor tries to shoot him. Toxie walks over and punches a hole in the Mayor's fat stomach and rips his guts out and we have a happy ending.
I would recommend this movie to anybody. Just for how weird it is.
Now we get the sequels.
Toxic Avenger 2
Okay so first off the tone of the sequels is way off from the first ones schizo nature. It knows what it is and that's a slapstick cartoon. Secondly I think 2 and 3 were suppose to be one movie but they filmed too much so it gets split into two movies. This effects 2 more than it does 3. Toxie is working at a home for the blind with Sarah. He is a bit depressed because he did too good a job wiping out evil in Tromaville. So his life lacks purpose. Until Apocalypse.Inc comes to town and blows up the center for the blind.
In a fight that I think goes twenty minute. Toxie fights various Apocalypse.Inc goons. which I admit amused me as more varied characters kept getting out of the limo. At one point he slam dunks a midget thru a basketball hoop.
Apocalypse Inc regroups in their swank wall street headquarters. They formulate a plan to get rid of Toxie. Watching a video of Toxic Avenger 1. They get a plan to send him to Japan to expose him to some kind of anti Toxie Kryptonite. To lure him there they pay off his therapist to convince Toxie he is depressed because his dad abandoned him as a baby. She then says she found Toxie's dad in Japan. For some reason his mom never tells him his dad is not Japanese. But that's the wrong movie for questions like that.
He wind surfs to Japan and saves some girl from being violated. She becomes his sidekick as Toxie fights his way thru Japan. This movie is kind of a side scroller beat em up video game. He finds his dad "Big" Mac Junko. Finds out he is evil and fights him in a sumo death match. It cracked me up when Toxie was infuriated at being called Smelvin. Big Mac ends up getting chopped into Haggis and Toxie goes home. In the middle of this we get a cameo from the guy who puts the tentacle into tentacle porn legendary comic creator Go Nagai. He is playing a food critic.
Once home Toxie is understandably distraught over killing his dad. Until he gets home and sees his real dad. Apparently he killed a Yakuza boss named "Big" Mac Bunko. So we get a happy ending. Until the movie runs another twenty minutes.
Apocalypse Inc decide to blow up Tromaville by summoning the Dark Rider. Toxie chases after him on a hover craft. I don't remember exactly when I saw this. I do know I was obsessed with getting a hovercraft for years after. Even with it getting a flat mid chase. Now he hails a cab chasing after him. He gets in the middle of a bickering old married couple. There are a few amusing gags here but this goes on too long.
He stops the Dark Rider and the movie just ends with a promise the story is not over.
Which leads to.
Toxic Avenger 3
This was crazy. I remember seeing this the night my Grandmother died. I don't know if I was trying to act like I was okay and acted as I normally did. I remember the next morning waking up and watching the Happy Days episode where Richie got a job at a newspaper printing press and Fonz saved him from a co worker. I was struck with the thought that this is all life is. Our family dies and we watch the same Happy Days episode again and again. Joke was on me as I can't find anyplace to watch Happy Days now. God Damn Paramount. Pay Donnie Most the money you owe him.
So I had no idea there was a Toxic Avenger 3. The end freaked the fudge out. When Satan turned Toxie back into Melvin Bunko. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Honestly this movie is kind of awesome and moves at a fast pace. Toxie needs cash to help his blind blond bimbo girlfriend get an operation to restore her sight. He finds it difficult finding a job. There is a cool dream sequence with Toxie getting attacked by Melvin in the mirror.
Apocalypse Inc hires him as a spokesmen. We get a cool sequence of the Chairman convincing Toxie to sign the deal. Toxie slowly becomes corrupted throwing little old ladies out of their homes. Until Sarah sees what he has become and convinces him to fight.
So he goes to fight the Chairman of Apocalypse Inc who reveals his true form. That of Satan himself. Say what you will but Troma can do a great transformation sequence. He challenges Toxie to a real life version of his favorite video game "Five Levels of Doom." They are Earth, Fire,Wind, Water and nobody has ever made it to five.
Earth: Toxie gets buried alive and rips a lawn mower blade out with his teeth.
Fire: The Devil catches on fire and sets Toxie on fire. Toxie's pisses off the Devil by extinguishing his flame.
Wind: Toxie saves a bus full of kids from falling off a cliff. The Devil used wind power to get them up there.
Water: The Devil puts the bus back together and tries to run down Toxie. Sending them into the World Famous Tromaville mud bog. The Devil is using a very loose interpretation of the rules he set. Guess that is to be expected.
The final level is the Mind. We get another freaky deeky transformation as the Toxic Avenger is transformed back into plain old Melvin Junkle. He slaps a sumo diaper over his tutu and keeps trying to fight the Devil who just mocks poor Melvin. Sarah grabs a shotgun and gets re blinded. Which is in Melvin's mind or something as she heads back to the house to find the contract Toxie signed with Apocalypse Inc.
Now this is not a movie I would expect to have a religious ending. But god himself shows just to clown the Devil by turning Melvin back into the Toxic Avenger. Toxie filled with righteous power dismembers the Devil and tears his flesh and guts out. It made me laugh every time the townspeople look disgusted as Toxie dismembers a bad guy while the farmer and the dale plays.
The movie ends with him getting married to Sarah.
I can't in good conscience recommend 2 as its just a set up for 3.. But the original and 3 are both worth watching. Its streaming on Netflix as well.
